If Given a Chance

By Jeff Warren
Reprinted by permission from the St. Helena Star, Sunday, May 06, 2007

Like most of you, not a day goes when the mailman doesn’t bring a solicitation. We must be on some list. I assume I’ll never again be invited to dinner without writing a check first.

I guess everyone’s figured out that if they’re gonna get stuck sitting next to me at a meal, the least I can do is pay for the privilege.

Don’t get me wrong. Each of these causes is more than worthy. And each and every cause has at least one board member who is a friend, or business associate.
Chances are each friend or associate is incredibly generous. They are givers. It is natural for them to assume that we too are as generous as they are.

Fact is, we’d like to be. Were we better people—more Christian and less parsimonious, we would be. But alas, my wife and I both made the same mistake. We each failed to marry rich. And paying tuition for three college kids at the same time, does tend to put a dent in the ol' disposable income column.

That has condemned us to the banalities of budgets, credit lines, indebtedness and myriad acts of free loading—such as trading tennis rackets for occasional free lunches. In other words, we are like most Middle Class Americans.

We’d like to say we tithe. But no doubt we don’t. I’m sure we fit in with other neo-revisionist, capitalist, fascist pigs who live off the sweat of the lumpin’ proletariat (and you thought I’d forgotten everything I learned at Cal in the 60’s).

In short, we don’t give as much as we should. But it’s not because we don’t want to—-or are not asked. No less than 20 organizations at Cal ask for a well deserved shot in the arm each year.

Care to think about the St. Helena charities and school causes? Name the one that isn’t deserving of every nickel you can spare. Local Politicians and ballot initiatives? Let’s not go there.

In the old days, you could “send ‘em a hun” and fulfill your obligation. Now-a-days a couple of hundred won’t do. The pressure is intense for a grand at the minimum and ten to twenty-five would be better. I have friends who will actually “pen” in the amount I’m expected to give, as just a friendly “personal” note.

They’re giving that much, and after all, with the high cost of land in Napa Valley yada, yada, just how cheap can we be to not match their generous contributions.
They’re right of course. It would be disingenuous to plead poverty when one works up here. Thanks to the good will my father built up over the years, and the President’s tax cuts (which actually permit folks to sell land and not see all the money go to the government) even an incompetent like me can make a living in St. Helena.

So we’ve been forced to establish some family parameters. Money goes locally and mostly to children. When my good friend called up the other night for a contribution to a school for children with Downs Syndrome in Oklahoma City, it was tough to say “no”. Is that not deserving? But a line must be drawn, somewhere. When another friend called for a substantial gift for a governor of another state “because he’s on our side”, I begged off telling him our parameters of locals and children.

Then Warren Winiarski invited us to a “dinner” for the "If Given a Chance Foundation". Rats. Borderline. It’s for kids, but it appeared Napa oriented (it isn’t) and we’re awfully chauvinistic about St. Helena causes.

And who can turn down an evening with Warren and Barbara?
So down we went—-late, naturally (that work thing). We were ushered to a table by ourselves. There were few familiar faces. We bit our lips and rolled our eyes.
Then we were knocked over.

A kid took the stage—-ok, and adult—-he’s now 27. Ten years ago, he’d received a $2,000 scholarship to “Give him a chance.” He had been living in a garage, estranged from his parents.

He told his own story. He went off to JC, then UCLA film school. He’d flown in from Africa (leaving Leonardo DiCaprio behind) for the occasion. He was living a dream. He was a film maker—all because someone “gave him a chance.” Now he was writing checks to this group.

Then the scholarship winners came up—-one by one. Some actually finished their talks. Most broke down crying.

We heard of Foster Homes, addictions, abuse, run-aways and violence. It was not saccharine or mawkish. It was calmly factual.

The kids came in all shapes, sizes an colors.

Teens are by definition “awkward”, shy and insecure. When your parents are Meth-Amphetamine addicts, well let’s just say, that’s something that is hard for folks like us to relate to—-to understand. Though some Foster Parents are indeed saints--well, how should one put it? It can be hit and miss. And when it misses......

As a society, we have no idea the damage we’ve done by breaking apart the two parent family. Drugs are our everlasting shame.

But this was not about pity. It was about triumph, love and humor.

One 17 year old boy, a cancer survivor, said this was his greatest day, “I’m graduating, I’m getting a scholarship, and I’m soon to be a new father.”
Long Pause. “That was a joke, Mom. Just wanted to see if you were listening.”The place was up for grabs.

An orphan from Russia read her own poems to a standing ovation, and young teenage ex-addict brought tears to us all.

They’ve won a scholarship. They’re headed to college, nursing, law enforcement. They’ve been given a chance—and what they have done with it!

Once again I was wrong. What I thought would be a ho hum evening turned out to be one of the greatest of our lives. It’s the only time—-anywhere--when I wanted to hear more speeches.

If by chance, you want to give someone else a chance, do yourself a favor. Contact them at 707-260-5656 or e-mail: chance@napanet.net. You won’t be disappointed.